Facing the fear of firearms training is a very real struggle for many people, especially women. Having been around firearms my entire life, I have never really understood this phenomenon. However, a while ago I had a very discouraging firearms training experience that brought this fear to life for me as well. I am hoping that by sharing this with you, we can all learn how to find the good in an difficult situation.
Training is essential to growing comfortable and competent in any discipline, and shooting is no exception. I am constantly watching videos online for tips, practicing at the range, and taking as many in person classes as I can find within a reasonable distance of my house. When I heard Rob Pincus was coming to town, I jumped at the chance to train with him and happily sent off my $280 registration fee. For those of you unfamiliar with Rob, he is one of the top defensive shooting instructors in the United States. His company, I.C.E. Training , is very well respected, and I was feeling pretty good about being able to train with such a legend. Unbeknownst to me, I was about to come face to face with the Gordon Ramsey of firearms training.
And So It Begins
I knew the second I walked into the class that I was in way over my head. Within 10 minutes of starting, we were shooting and it seemed like everyone knew what they were doing except for me. For the record, I am a pretty good shot. I can hit just about anything I aim at, even if it is a moving target. But this class had nothing to do with target practice. In fact, Rob started off by saying that shooting at a static target from a stationary position is easy, that anyone could do it, and that we were not there to target practice. We were there to learn defensive shooting tactics designed to save our lives in the event we ever found ourselves in a deadly situation. In other words, we were there to learn how to survive a real life gunfight.
From the get go he decided to single me out, and to be honest, I deserved it. Unfortunately, I had a bad habit of resting my trigger finger on the trigger guard and he did not like that at all. It is supposed to be above the guard. While it was not ever technically ‘on’ the trigger, he must have yelled at me fifty or more times throughout the first half of the day to take my finger off the trigger (guard). This caused him to hover behind me watching my every move, which of course made me nervous, which caused me to miss a lot, which completely flushed my confidence down the toilet. Every time I would miss he would stop the class and make me shoot alone, with the entire class watching, until I got it right. It was humiliating.
To make matters worse, I seemed to be the only person in the class of 12 who had never taken a tactical self defense course before. I had never shot on the move and I just couldn’t get coordinated enough to do it to his satisfaction. The body position was awkward, sliding across the ground was awkward, reloading on the move was awkward and drawing a pistol from an outside belt ho
lster was the most awkward thing of all. I didn’t even own a belt holster until this class. The belt holster was and still is completely foreign to me.
Next came the commands and boy did they come fast. While I was still trying to remember to never stop moving he started shouting what he wanted us to shoot at. Take a second to look at the image of the target. He would shout, “5” and we had to shoot two numbers that equaled 5, such as 4 and 1, or 2 and 3. But if he shouted 7 blue, we could only shoot the 5 and the 2 because they were blue and added up to 7. He might have then said A 4, Bravo 2, then 10. The commands just kept coming! I was still on command 1 when he was shouting command 3. I just couldn’t process them fast enough. In addition to all of this, we had to reload multiple times on the move to satisfy all of the commands. I was completely out of my comfort zone and felt completely defeated. Just when I thought it couldn’t get any worse, he started throwing rocks at me. Rocks!
Now to be fair, I wasn’t the only one he tortured. He singled out a few other students, cursed them like a sailor and threw rocks at them too. But not as much as he did me. I couldn’t wait until lunch break. I fully intended to flee.
Halfway There
Aaaahhhh lunch. I went straight to my truck and sobbed. Full on tears and hyperventilation. Everything I had ever learned and thought I knew about firearms training was now conflicting with what was being taught in this class. I began to second guess my dreams of wanting to help other women overcome their fear of firearms and firearms training, my blog, and pretty much everything else in my life. The cell service at the range was dismal, so I sent a text to my husband telling him I was going to leave because this guy was such an ass. He replied, “Nope, you are there to learn. He teaches stuff that no one else teaches. You will learn from him how to stay alive.” Thanks for the support honey. And so I did what any other God fearing woman would do. I prayed. I prayed to God to get me through this class and show me the lesson I needed to learn. Then I dried my tears, took a deep breath, and went back to take one for the team.
The first hour after lunch was brutal. I still couldn’t find my groove. I really thought Rob was going to ask me to leave. He said he may as well go on and tourniquet my leg because I was going to blow it off if I didn’t keep my finger off the trigger (guard). I bit my lip, promising not to cry but then something amazing happened. He came over and changed my grip on the pistol. He also explained that I might need to put an aftermarket trigger in my M&P 2.0 9 mm to help me shoot faster (which I since have done). All calm, nice and professionally. And just like that, my day turned a 180. I quit missing. He stopped yelling. He actually started complimenting my turnaround. And not once in the last 3 hours did he yell at me to take my finger off the trigger (guard) because the new grip caused it to naturally lay higher.
Throughout the entire day we had been shooting at approximately 5 yards away from the target because evidence shows that most self defense shootings happen within 15 feet or less. At the end of the day, we moved to about 50 feet away from the target. I totally owned this. He remarked that I did very well in what should have been the most difficult part of the class. Small win for me.
Finally Over
Finally after 9 hours the day came to an end. We all huddled and discussed what we had learned. Rob said that today was all about real life, and in real life thugs were going to do a lot more than cuss, throw rocks, and demean you. In life and death situations, your confidence and skills will be greatly reduced, fear and stress will kick in and the slightest error could take your life. It’s almost like a light bulb went off over my head. This was never a personal attack on my ability. It was a genuine attempt to give me the skills I needed to save my life.
In hindsight, I am very glad I took this class, even though it bruised my humility. I honestly think that I learned more than anyone else on that day. Especially after learning that 6 people in the class had been training with Rob for over 5 years! That completely explained why they all knew what they were doing and I did not.
Fear of firearms training is no joke. Even though Rob’s style was tough, it changed the way I think about everything. I have always been very aware of my surroundings, but now I am more aware. I have completely re assessed my approach to training new shooters. While I won’t ever resort to humiliation during firearms training, I do accept that it is exactly what I needed to find my focus. I finally understand the fear of firearms training, and respect it.
Rob’s firearms training class is not for everyone. It takes a completely different mindset to succeed in a tactical defense class versus a basic pistol class. I did learn, however, that sometimes being the weakest person in a class can work to your advantage! You sure get a lot of one on one attention! My advice is first take a basic pistol class, then an in home defense class, then an out of home defense class. Do it scared if you have to, but do it. You will never overcome your fear by avoiding it. Face it head on, and be honest with your firearms training instructor! They are there to help you overcome your fear, hone your skills, and give you the confidence to survive in a life and death situation. Skills, in my opinion, that we all need.
“Even though Rob’s style was tough, it changed the way I think about everything. I have always been very aware of my surroundings, but now I am more aware. I have completely re assessed my approach to training new shooters. While I won’t ever resort to humiliation during firearms training, I do accept that it is exactly what I needed to find my focus.”
THAT.
I really appreciate you writing this all out for everyone to learn from, Jen. I honestly had no idea that you were struggling quite so much emotionally during the day. You seemed to be pushing right through and, as you noted, we had a lot of experienced alumni in the class right there with you. I hope that people stick with your article until the end and share the real lessons you are sharing here. I’m expecting at least a few “he threw rocks at a student!” and “he made a woman cry!” references for every one of the “Actually, his approach works for a lot of people, check this out: http://thearmedgranny….” posts. Probably at a 10:1 Ratio…. but that’s okay. As one of my friends likes to include in his social media “#youwasntthere”. YOU, were there and you did work hard and, as is usually the case, the students that struggle the most are usually both the ones who learn the most and the ones who need it the most. I’m sure I’ll get a few “if he did that to me, I’d quit/punch him/tell his mom” type posts also… once again, those types usually don’t show up to do the work or put themselves on the line to really be challenged.
I sometimes get asked by experienced students why I “put up with” students who are struggling, especially when I have safety concerns and have to “hover over them” … the email you sent me earlier and the experiences you shared in this review are why. As anyone on my instructor team will tell you, I take our work very seriously… this isn’t fun with guns. Honestly, if you can’t handle the pressure of missing a target while your fellow students are watching or deal with a piece of gravel being tossed at you to remind you to move offline, you probably aren’t really ready to carry a gun in the public space. Our course is designed to help people find their deficiencies. You came in “knowing” you were a good shooter, so it was important to see how a little chaos and distraction made hitting a 3″ target at 15′ pretty damn hard.
Before I even read this, I shared the link in our private chat area for I.C.E. Instructors, I was getting ready for some radio segments, but I knew that the team would benefit from reading the review based on this: “The reason I am sharing this with you is because your tough class gave me the kick in the pants I needed to take firearms training more seriously and to the next level. I am forever grateful for that, even though I wasn’t the day of your class. I Just wanted to thank you…” THAT is why I do what I do. I get that not everyone agrees with or even correctly understands the methodology. I caution new instructors not to try to teach like I do in regard to personality or style, but to find their way to communicate the material and use the methods too make their students better. Honestly, I’m pretty some of the people on my team are horrified when they read this type of review… but that’s whats great about having a diverse team. I’m sure that I have lost a couple of students along the way, and I know that plenty of people criticize us from positions of ignorance or partial education, but there’s a reason we keep adding more courses, developing more programs and certifying more instructors over the years. For the vast majority of our students, our curriculum helps them understand themselves, defensive shooting and their own skill development better.
I’m glad that you had a positive experience… and I hope to see you in another class next year!
-Rob
Thank you for taking the time to reply so extensively! Wow. I wrote this the day after the class, but didn’t publish it for months. It sat taunting me in my drafts. But as I told you privately, I have taken these last few months to focus completely on firearms training, and am now a certified NRA pistol instructor. I would have never had the courage to put myself out there to do this if it wouldn’t have been for your class. I don’t think you realize just how much you influence your students. I hope I can be a positive influence on my students as well. Our niches are very different, I am training women, mostly older women, to simply not be afraid of guns and learn how to use them safely.
What surprised me the most about your class was how much the stress affected me. It was very hard to accept. If, I, someone who has been shooting since childhood, had so much trouble, what is going to happen when a woman who carries a pistol in her purse and never practices with it pulls it out and tries to defend herself? We both know the answer to that. That is why I decided to at least try and help the women in my community. Again, thank you for being such a great teacher, even though I didn’t realize it until months after your class.
This is the reason I be am a CFS instructor. Rob might be an asshole on the range, but he is my asshole. And my mentor. And my brother. I have worked and trained all over the world, to include combat zones in the Global War on Terror. If there is a better, more intelligent or more experienced instructor out there, I have not met him/her yet. Good on you for pushing through to the light bulb moment. It happened for me as well. Good luck to you. And keep training!
The difference between you and me is that I am a 50 year old granny and you are a buff military dude. But in a life or death situation that requires the use of a firearm, we are in exactly the same boat and need exactly the same skills to come out alive. I accept that his methods are exactly what I needed to progress in my training. In fact, after the sting wore off I got the “I’ll show him” attitude and am now an instructor myself. I still don’t think his methods are for beginners though. Thank you for taking the time to respond!
I have worked with Rob over the last eight years, assisted him with many classes, and witnessed a handful of students quit at lunch or after day one (on the two-day courses). Those that yielded to that uncomfortable “feeling” did the most significant disservice to themselves and those they hope to protect. Thankfully, your story of fighting through the awkward and personal performance issues is much more common and comes out in the debrief or in an after action report. As you learned first hand, pushing through has made you better prepared to protect yourself and loved ones as well as better prepared you to take on your next defensive training course. Well done!
Rob’s class is probably the most challenging thing I have ever faced. I don’t know what I was thinking it was going to be, but it surely wasn’t what it was. Strangely enough, Rob had said earlier in the day that someone in the class a few days before bowed out after day 1. At the time I was thinking, “what an idiot,” and then found myself about to do the same thing. I’m glad I found my courage because this class has been a life changer for me. I am now an instructor too. I know I still need a lot more training, and have several more scheduled. Thanks for the encouragement!
That was a great read and I appreciate your time and effort on the range as a student. I have personally known Rob for almost a decade as a Instructor, mentor and someone I consider a close friend. I would be lying if I said that your comments did not put a smile on my face. I have seen this reaction and this success many times over the years on the range whether it has been myself as the student with ROB or instructing with him by his side.
I will tell you from someone who teaches multiple classes that are part of his curriculum, that we teach from a position of passion and integrity for what we are conveying to our students. With that being said, I assure you that the standard that he holds his instructors to are even more “harsh” than that of what he holds his students to.
When I say I consider him a close friend; that means we have had long social nights on the town, we have had family dinners, get togethers, held each others children, laughs and completely off topic conversations, text etc. The very next day I have also been the recipient of stern correction and “rock throwing” while being mentored. The points of his correction have always been driven home and my failures have always been corrected so that I to can give the best possible information and mentoring to our/my students.
We may be perceived to be harsh, direct and brash at times but, I assure you that we give our students more “quarter” then there likely adversary ever will on the street and that is the point. I am happy that you “get it” and are able to articulate it so well. Keep pushing yourself, keep learning, and keep growing your defensive mindset and skills.
-MJL
It took me a few months to appreciate his instruction. First I felt defeated, then tried to forget about it, and finally got mad enough to face it head on. Only then did I understand how important the training in this class was. Thank you for responding, and keep training your students this way. It really does work.
Excellent Blog. Having trained with Rob for over 5 years, your description brought back vivid memories of my initial experience with Rob and his approach.
I came from the competition side of shooting and felt like I had a good shooting foundation to build on. I had 2 things that drew attention to me as a new student; 1) I was a competition shooter that expected a traditional shooting course and; 2) I was left handed because I came from weak genes (as Rob jokingly stated in my 1st class). Very quickly I was awakened by the reality of what the purpose of the training was, which was the defensive use of a firearm.
I spent a good amount of time in that class frustrated with my inability to manage the balance of speed and precision and the idea that “good enough” isn’t a valid result in the real world of personal defense. The idea of either “you got the hit” or “you didn’t” took more for me to understand because of my competition background. Rob, as only Rob can do, made it very clear to me that my background was largely irrelevant in the context of the class and that his expectations were not going to waiver no matter who the student was. He didn’t measure performance based on a clock or a score, but instead measured it on our ability and capability and more importantly our level of understanding of that ability and its application. In that regard, it was very individually based with no benchmark time to hit or score to attain which is a foreign concept for a competition shooter.
When I stepped away from that 1st class, I recognized that it wasn’t a class to build confidence nor was it a class intended to shake my confidence. Instead, it was a class that provided me a set of realistic expectations of my skill level, at that time, in the context of a defensive shooting situation. A situation in which I was not in full control. A situation that was quickly developing and changing that required you to process information. A situation that was not rehearsed or timed as we do as a competitive shooter. When Rob said this is not a shooting class, he couldn’t have been more right. I spent more time mentally evaluating and re-evaluating myself and my response to pressures that were felt during the course.
The more I have dug into the philosophies of this type of training and the counter ambush arena, the more I recognized the need to keep learning, training and developing my ability to apply my skills both physically and mentally. I continue to train, taking 2-3 courses a year from Rob because the personal growth experienced through some of the discomfort while learning far exceeds the embarrassment or the need for my fragile ego to feel good. The streets are unforgiving and understanding that helps keep the training and the approach in perspective.
Your willingness to share your experience provides another chance to contemplate, evaluate and grow. Thanks for sharing.
While I truly appreciate all of the comments and encouragement on this post, yours has touched me the most. It is sure nice to know that others have felt exactly the same way as I did! I come from a skeet shooting background first, then target pistol. I had the mistaken idea that being able to bust clay birds or take out the centers of targets was good enough. It is not. Good for you for going back to train with Rob again. I have until next March to build up the courage for that. In the mean time, you can bet I’ll be practicing his way. Thank you for sharing your story.
Jen, I loved the candor of this post, as well as all of the responses. Good for you for sticking with it and getting the training and that kick you needed to go to the next level. This is something I aspire to for the future.
I have my conceal-carry permit, but I don’t carry in public because I know I’m not yet ready or capable at a level to be both safe and responsive in a life-or-death situation. I’m not in shape enough currently to survive one of Rob’s classes, but it’s my goal to get there, even though I’m quite certain I’ll spend my lunch hour crying in my car, too. When I do, I’ll re-read your blog post to remind me why it’s so important to soldier onward. That level of training is exactly what I want to master.
Thank you so much for posting this! It was definitely eye-opening, and motivating, too.
I would encourage you not to wait to train, even if you are looking to train with him. Rob has been very gracious to me in private communications, and assured me that even though I thought I took his class a year too soon he did not. I am not in top shape either, and there were people there 2 times the size of me. There is never a “right” time. The time is now. Do it scared! Thank you again for following me, and feel free to contact me at jennifer@thearmedgranny.com anytime.
Thank you so much for the encouragement, Jen! I will definitely think about it. “Do it scared” is a great mantra. 🙂 I love your blog and your way of communicating all of the information you deliver!
🙂
Michele